Today would have been the day. Updated.

My baby should be here now. Today should have been one of the happiest days of my life. I made it through the day without crying. But, all day long no matter what I was doing I was thinking about what should have been.

And then............

My sister in law calls me to tell me she is pregnant again. After 2 weeks of trying.

9 Days

I should be getting ready to welcome my third baby. Not sitting here crying about my loss. How will I get through this week? Why must life be so hard...........................

Here We Go Again

CD1, "only" 8 days late. I was hopeful again, I tested about 30 times..........again.

I'm in a dark and sad place right now. My baby was to be born August 14. The closer I get to the date the harder it's becoming. I'll remember him always. I'll cry for him always. I feel myself getting lost in this sadness. I can't talk to anyone about it because no one seems to understand.

I should be out buying extra blankets and baby wipes.

CD 1

I'm not gonna lie, I'm dissapointed :(

CD 2

I spent about $60 this week on pregnancy tests! I could have sworn on Thursday that I saw a very light line on 2 of them. Just when I had convinced myself that I was possibly pregnant (I had even googled my due date)......AF shows up! On Friday the 13th no less.

It's ok. I'm ok with it actually. It's the waiting and waiting and waiting that drives me nuts! I mean a 35 day cycle?!? Now that I know that I'm not preggo I can get back to normal.. No stressing about whether what I'm doing or eating could cause a miscarriage. I'm not ready emotionally anyway.

PS. Business is GREAT!!!

I won't go through this again.............

Been there done that. Why am I going here again? I've POAS every other day this week. They were all BIG FAT NEGATIVES.

I have 2 beautiful kids to keep me going, I need to think about them. My present and definite future. No more wishful thinking, daydreams, and spending $50 a week on pregnancy tests!

I've kept it all to myself. He doesn't know about how much I've been wishing on stars and everything else I can think of for a baby. I don't want to put us through the anguish of the past. I just have to remind myself of how much it affected us. Only this time it will be worse because we have two innocent children that will unfairly be dragged along. And they don't deserve that. They need to be my #1 right now.

So.........instead of sitting in front of my computer googling IF and Mirena, I'm going to take my kids out. Who knows where we'll go but we'll be together ;)

April 27, 2011

The spring storms are pretty strong this year. It means we're thismuchcloser to moving out to Aquilla. Easter was fun. We went to my cousin's house. I have a feeling I'm pregnant but, that might just be me wanting to be pregnant. I POAS yesterday and got a BFN but, it was only CD19.